This week I am only going to be talking about one struggle: taking a chance. So I am a pretty athletic person, but I have never played on a sports team. Ever. Why? Because I am so extremely self-conscious and worried about everything. Several different coaches have come to me trying to convince me to play a variety of sports, but I have always backed out. I'm just always so worried about not being good enough. Does that make sense? Also, I'm worried about not being able to make friends. I don't really hang out with the "jocks," so I don't know if I'd fit in on a team. (I know. I sound like a whiny 5-year-old.)
Amongst all of this doubt lies the want to play an "official" sport before I get out of high school. (I'm a Sophomore.) I don't want to look back and regret not doing something that I might have loved.
I have come extremely close to joining the soccer and track team before, but right when I decided I wanted to join, it was too late. Either the team was full or the tryouts were over. This brings me to this particular week's struggle. I have the opportunity to join the tennis team. The team, frankly, isn't any good, so I don't have to worry about not being a great player. That's a plus. But then there is the main problem I'm facing. Tennis, ESPECIALLY is my school, is considered a "girls' sport." I just don't know if I want to add another item to the list of reasons why I'm weird, you know?
To finish this off, I have decided to play. I think. I am going to check out the details and everything; hopefully it all goes well, and I will finally play on a team. Who knows? Maybe I'll be good!
**I hope this didn't bore anyone! I really needed to rant to get everything straight in my head. What are some struggles with taking risks that you guys have? I'd love to hear about them. Thanks everyone!**
Hey guys! My "The Awkward Person's Guide to Family Gatherings" post really went well, so I figured I'd continue my painful attempts at being funny. This post will give scenarios you might encounter where you'll need a great ~ or extremely confusing ~ excuse to avoid them. I hope it's at least slightly entertaining/helpful!
The Awkward Person's Guide to Excuses
Parent: Why haven't you done your homework?
Your Response: The voices in my head tell me I don't have to. *Look your mom/dad right in the eyes* And you don't want to make the voices mad. (They will never bug you about your homework again, but you might have to visit a special place once a week from then on.)
Neighbor: Will you mow my lawn for me?
Your Response: I would love to, but I'm not allowed around lawn mowers. Not since the... accident. *Burst into tears and yell, "WHY GRAMMY, WHY?!"*
Teacher: You need to start staying after school for tutoring. Your grades have fallen significantly.
Your Response: ...are you hitting on me right now? *Wink seductively* (That poor teacher will never bother you again.)
Parent: Where did you go last night? I heard from someone you went to a party.
Your Response: *Laugh hysterically because you and your parents both know that you were in your room the whole night crying over a book character that died.*
Doctor: You've gained 10 pounds. I thought you said you were eating better?
Your Response(If a girl): I'M SO SORRY I'M FAT AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. I JUST CAN'T, LIKE, DEAL WITH YOUR JUDGEMENT RIGHT NOW. *Make a dramatic exit*
**Sorry for the short post guys! I'll be adding to it later in a separate post. I'm short on time today! Comment your thoughts?**
So I got no comments on the last post(come on guys!), so I had to use the only comment I've had. It's from Talie Anne on my "Top 5 Dream Destinations" post. In her comment, she mentions her liking of Australia! So shout-out to Talie Anne; thank you for contributing! Here are 5 amazing pictures of Australia! Hope you guys like.
At 6:30 A.M., Morgan's phone starts to vibrate: time to get ready for school. For a brief moment, she considers skipping school, but the only thing worse to her than a building full of teenage assholes is a house full of fake family members. She throws herself out of bed with a grunt and proceeds with her daily routine. Shower, clothes, make-up, breakfast, bus. Not once does she see even a trace of her family, not that she normally does. Her little brother doesn't attend school yet, and both of her parents start work late in the day. Morgan is used to solitary mornings. She actually enjoys them; they are a comforting time period where she has zero distractions.
The school day goes by in a blur. Morgan doesn't talk to anyone nor does anyone talk to her. She has never felt so publicly alone. The only objectives on her mind are to keep her head down and not let anyone know something is wrong. Once home, she hurries to her bedroom, locks the door, and closes the blinds. She doesn't want to see her family and have to fake being happy like she always does. Morgan can lie to anyone, but it hurts having to lie to her parents, even if they are inconsiderate jerks.
By the end of the day, Morgan is worn out. All she can think about is the sweet escape of sleep, but she knows that sleep is not achievable in her current state. Night is when the memories attack, gnawing at her sanity. Normally, she is strong enough to fight them off, but not tonight. Tonight, Morgan is as defenseless as a newborn antelope on the African plain. She must be cautious, for she can be easily over taken by any malicious, bitter-sweet memory lurking in the depths of her mind. All of these things Morgan knows.
"But how," Morgan thinks to herself, "can I escape this hell? This unrelenting pain?"
Then, without warning, a memory attacks. It rips at her with unanticipated strength. It is the memory of the first time Morgan saw her Nana sick, with obvious pain painted on her face. "Oh honey, I'm fine," her Nana had said, "Nana will be OK. I won't leave you." Morgan remembers clinging to this promise frivolously, praying for her Nana to stay with her.
As this memory slices through Morgan like a machete, hot tears begin to stream down her face. "I can't handle this," she screams in her mind, "I can't. I can't. I can't!" Suddenly, a wave of calm engulfs her. She has concocted an escape. Her mother keeps a large bottle of sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet, and Morgan could easily sneak them into her room. "Can I really do this," she asks herself already knowing the answer. Yes, she could. Nothing is keeping her attached to this life anymore. What does she have to live for? To hope for? Her family is detached, she is horrifyingly awkward, and the only person that ever truly loved her is dead.
Morgan gets out from under her blankets and makes almost the same trek she had made the night before, but instead of turning into her parents room, she turns into the bathroom. She turns on the lights and is shocked at what she looks like under the harsh, florescent lights. Her eyes are an unnatural shade of red and her skin is taunt from dried tears. Unable to look at herself any longer, Morgan pulls open the medicine cabinet and grabs the bottle of sleeping pills. Quickly, she stuffs them into her pocket and runs back to her room.
Once back in the safety of her room, a weird though crosses Morgan's mind. Should she write a suicide note? She'd never considered it before. She almost laughs at the idea of her parents finding the note next to her lifeless body. Would they pretend to be sad or show their relief that they don't have to deal with her anymore? She decides she could care less. "They don't deserve a suicide note," Morgan thinks bitterly, "They don't deserve closure!" With that, she thrusts a handful of irregularly shaped sleeping pills into her mouth and swallows. They take hold of her body quickly. Soon, she falls into a deep sleep, with her Nana's voice echoing in her mind saying, "I won't leave you, honey. I love you."
**Hey guys! That was Morgan's Lullaby: Part Two! I hope you liked it. There will be a part three, so get ready for that! It will be posted next Friday for "Fictional Friday." Although this isn't the last addition to the Morgan's Lullaby series, I thought I should explain my reasons behind writing it. I am writing this series to tell a story you guys might relate to and to tell you guys that if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or anything like that, reach out to someone. Talk to someone about your problems. Anything. Just don't act on any bad thoughts. People do love you and care about your well-being. I have had bad thoughts before, trust me, but life does get better. You will find people that you care about and that care about you. I promise. I have never met you guys, but I care about you. So don't feel alone. Don't let negative thoughts prevail. If you can't find anyone else to talk to, and you are thinking about doing something bad, reach out to me. I'm extremely awkward and am bad at making people feel better, but I care. I hope this post can help someone out there. I really do. So thank you for reading it everyone!**
Sometimes I can't stand myself. Really. Again, I waited till too late to start working on the "Morgan's Lullaby" series to get it up today. I promise it will be up tomorrow. It is turning out well; I just don't have it finished. I mean, it's not like you guys are sitting around waiting for my posts, but I feel an obligation to you guys to get things done on time. So I'm sorry for that.
Now, because of this, I came up with a way to make it up to everyone. I will be picking an idea from the comments(if I can get someone to actually comment) and using it in a post for Sunday. The idea can be a prompt, a funny picture to write about, anything. I will even do a shout-out type thing to the person whose idea I picked. I think it's a pretty cool idea. I really hope you guys participate! Please don't be shy. Thanks everyone, and, again, I'm terribly sorry for the post delay.
As if you haven't already learned enough about me, I've decided to answer 50 questions about myself, so you guys can get to know me even more. I found an awesome survey that seems more than sufficient for my purpose. I am going to answer each one 100% honestly, so I hope you guys like the honesty!
Q: What's your name?
A: The blogging name I use is David Smart, but my real name is Mason Domke. (Can you blame me for using a fake name? Just look at my real last name.)
Q: What's your favorite sport?
A: Probably Ultimate Frisbee(Yes, that is a real sport) or Soccer
Q: Do you have a crush?
A: Yes, I do. But I don't think she's into me. I heard she's seeing this dude named Jay Z.
Q: What's your eye color?
A: Brown.
Q: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
A: I would change my nose. It's all round and weird.
Q: Are you allergic to anything?
A: Nope.
Q: Have you ever broken a bone?
A: Never, luckily.
Q: What's your favorite movie?
A: 21 Jump Street!
Q: Books or Movies?
A: Movies. When I read a book, I love it. But it is rare I can actually get through one.
Q: Favorite book?
A: The Giver
Q: What's your favorite website?
A: Newsana is a recent discovery of mine, and I love it. Very cool. Also, Genuine Awkwardness isn't that bad... (I'm a sellout, I know.)
Q: Favorite number?
A: 21
Q: Favorite letter?
A: I don't really have one, but if I had to choose, M.
Q: Do you know all of the words to the National Anthem?
A: Not at all. I'm a horrible citizen.
Q: What's your favorite holiday?
A: Christmas or Easter for sure.
Q: What song best describes your life right now?
A: It's Time by Imagine Dragons. I feel like I'm starting a new chapter in my life.
Q: What's your favorite band/artist?
A: My favorite band is Imagine Dragons.
Q: What's your relationship status?
A: I'm so single it's not even funny.
Q: Do you exercise?
A: Yes.
Q: Have you ever thrown up before? If so, why?
A: Yes. I had the flu. (Great subjects here on Genuine Awkwardness, right?)
Q: Are you right or left handed?
A: Right.
Q: What's your nickname?
A: Some people call me "Mase", but others have cooler names for me like "Ugly," "That weird kid," and "Freak."
Q: Do you wear make-up everyday?
A: No, I'm not that cool.
Q: When's is your birthday?
A: January/21/1998
Q: How do you feel about "YOLO"?
A: I don't see a problem with it.
Q: What is your favorite quote?
A: "The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi
Q: What's the worst thing that has happened to you in your entire life?
A: Probably when my family got broken apart from an addiction. (Mom was on drugs... You can probably guess the rest.)
Q: If you could live in any state, what would it be and why?
A: Alaska because it is so beautiful there.
Q: What annoys you?
A: When people tweet but don't reply to your texts. When people only look out for themselves. When your friends up and decide they don't want to be your friend anymore. When people forget your birthday. When you try your hardest at something, but everything works against you... The list goes on.
Q: What food do you hate the most?
A: BAKED POTATOES.
Q: Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names?
A: Not anymore. They all died.
Q: Jeans, skinny jeans, skirts, denim jeans, or crazy-patterned tights?
A: Denim jeans.
Q: Do you wear your seat belt in the car?
A: Always.
Q: Do you like this survey?
A: So far, yes.
Q: Who's your favorite super hero?
A: Batman!
Q: Is that your natural hair color?
A: Yes.
Q: What color eyes would you like to have?
A: I'm gonna keep what I have cause I don't wanna mess up and make myself uglier.
Q: Do you look like your mom or your dad?
A: Dad.
Q: What's your favorite type of food?
A: Chinese.
Q: What are three things you can't live without?
A: Sleep, family, and water.
Q: Who do you miss right now?
A: My really weird, crazy friend Emily. She's kinda gone down hill, and I'd love to be able to help her. Too bad I was an ass.
Q: On a scale from 1-10, how bored are you?
A: 1. I'm not bored at all.
Q: If something falls off your bed, do you get off your bed to get it?
A: NEVER.
Q: How tall are you?
A: 5' 10"
Q: What's your shoe size?
A: 12 (Men's)
Q: How would you describe your personality?
A: Very energetic. Motivated.
Q: What's your favorite type of cheese?
A: String.
Q: What's your favorite ice-cream flavor?
A: Cookie dough!!!
Q: What's your life goal?
A: To make a difference in peoples' lives.
**Phew. That's a lot about me. In the comments, how about some of you guys answer a few of the questions from the survey about yourself?**
So to start off, this blog has become an extremely important part of my life. Everyday I'm thinking about what to write about and how to make sure you guys have a great reading experience. And the best part is I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I feel this blog is my way to reach out into the world from my small city. More importantly, I want this to be a place where you guys come and escape from your daily problems. This brings me to the main reason for this particular post. My ultimate goal is to have this blog kinda run by you guys guiding me with what you like/don't like, but for that to happen, I need some feedback. I need a comment here and there or a tweet (@GAwkwardness) or an email(davidsmart414@gmail.com). Anything you guys can do. I am here blogging for you. So please feel completely free to reach out to me in any way to tell me your opinions or likes or anything. I'm not trying to force you guys into anything or anything like that, I just need some feedback. That's all. :) Thank you so much. Here's a picture of a baby kangaroo in pajamas because... why not?
