Morgan's Lullaby: Part Two

   At 6:30 A.M., Morgan's phone starts to vibrate: time to get ready for school. For a brief moment, she considers skipping school, but the only thing worse to her than a building full of teenage assholes is a house full of fake family members. She throws herself out of bed with a grunt and proceeds with her daily routine. Shower, clothes, make-up, breakfast, bus. Not once does she see even a trace of her family, not that she normally does. Her little brother doesn't attend school yet, and both of her parents start work late in the day. Morgan is used to solitary mornings. She actually enjoys them; they are a comforting time period where she has zero distractions.
   
   The school day goes by in a blur. Morgan doesn't talk to anyone nor does anyone talk to her. She has never felt so publicly alone. The only objectives on her mind are to keep her head down and not let anyone know something is wrong. Once home, she hurries to her bedroom, locks the door, and closes the blinds. She doesn't want to see her family and have to fake being happy like she always does. Morgan can lie to anyone, but it hurts having to lie to her parents, even if they are inconsiderate jerks.

   By the end of the day, Morgan is worn out. All she can think about is the sweet escape of sleep, but she knows that sleep is not achievable in her current state. Night is when the memories attack, gnawing at her sanity. Normally, she is strong enough to fight them off, but not tonight. Tonight, Morgan is as defenseless as a newborn antelope on the African plain. She must be cautious, for she can be easily over taken by any malicious, bitter-sweet memory lurking in the depths of her mind. All of these things Morgan knows.
  
  "But how," Morgan thinks to herself, "can I escape this hell? This unrelenting pain?" 

   Then, without warning, a memory attacks. It rips at her with unanticipated strength. It is the memory of the first time Morgan saw her Nana sick, with obvious pain painted on her face. "Oh honey, I'm fine," her Nana had said, "Nana will be OK. I won't leave you." Morgan remembers clinging to this promise frivolously, praying for her Nana to stay with her. 

    As this memory slices through Morgan like a machete, hot tears begin to stream down her face. "I can't handle this," she screams in her mind, "I can't. I can't. I can't!"  Suddenly, a wave of calm engulfs her. She has concocted an escape. Her mother keeps a large bottle of sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet, and Morgan could easily sneak them into her room. "Can I really do this," she asks herself already knowing the answer. Yes, she could. Nothing is keeping her attached to this life anymore. What does she have to live for? To hope for? Her family is detached, she is horrifyingly awkward, and the only person that ever truly loved her is dead. 

  Morgan gets out from under her blankets and makes almost the same trek she had made the night before, but instead of turning  into her parents room, she turns into the bathroom. She turns on the lights and is shocked at what she looks like under the harsh, florescent lights. Her eyes are an unnatural shade of red and her skin is taunt from dried tears. Unable to look at herself any longer, Morgan pulls open the medicine cabinet and grabs the bottle of sleeping pills. Quickly, she stuffs them into her pocket and runs back to her room.   

  Once back in the safety of her room, a weird though crosses Morgan's mind. Should she write a suicide note? She'd never considered it before. She almost laughs at the idea of her parents finding the note next to her lifeless body. Would they pretend to be sad or show their relief that they don't have to deal with her anymore? She decides she could care less. "They don't deserve a suicide note," Morgan thinks bitterly, "They don't deserve closure!" With that, she thrusts a handful of irregularly shaped sleeping pills into her mouth and swallows. They take hold of her body quickly. Soon, she falls into a deep sleep, with her Nana's voice echoing in her mind saying, "I won't leave you, honey. I love you." 

    **Hey guys! That was Morgan's Lullaby: Part Two! I hope you liked it. There will be a part three, so get ready for that! It will be posted next Friday for "Fictional Friday." Although this isn't the last addition to the Morgan's Lullaby series, I thought I should explain my reasons behind writing it. I am writing this series to tell a story you guys might relate to and to tell you guys that if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or anything like that, reach out to someone. Talk to someone about your problems. Anything. Just don't act on any bad thoughts. People do love you and care about your well-being. I have had bad thoughts before, trust me, but life does get better. You will find people that you care about and that care about you. I promise. I have never met you guys, but I care about you. So don't feel alone. Don't let negative thoughts prevail. If you can't find anyone else to talk to, and you are thinking about doing something bad, reach out to me. I'm extremely awkward and am bad at making people feel better, but I care. I hope this post can help someone out there. I really do. So thank you for reading it everyone!**