The Awkward Person's Guide To Family Gatherings

    Hey guys! It's time for the second entry of "Hump Day How-To's." Today's topic is: how to handle family gatherings. As I said on this week's installment of "My Struggles," I have grown to dread family gatherings. Not because I dislike my family, but because I can't stand the criticism/weird questions that come with being the teenager in a group of adult family members. So I figured I'd show you guys some possible questions you might encounter and the correct (awkward) responses to those questions. 

1. Question: So what career field have you picked out for your future?

Correct response: I heard the drug industry is booming so...

2. Question: Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? 

Correct response: No, but I have a cat. It's the same thing really.

3. Question: How are you doing in school?

Correct response: I haven't killed anyone yet so pretty well. 

4. Question: What music do you listen to?

Correct response: Gospel. So much gospel. PRAISE JESUS HALLELUJAH. 

5. Question: Why do you wear such weird clothes?

Correct response: Because running around naked is "indecent." 

6. Question: What college are you going to apply to?

Correct response: A very, very far away one. 

7. Question: Why don't you do more chores?

Correct response: I supply the household awesomeness thank you very much. *Walk away triumphantly*  

8. Question: Do you swear? 

Correct response: All the time. Just yesterday I swore that I'd never try to conform to your unreachable expectations... Oh. You meant like cussing? Yeah, I do that too. 

9. Question: What's your favorite book?

Correct response: When you book your flight back to where you came from... I mean, The Hunger Games. 

1o. Question: Why are you still single?

Correct response: I'm waiting for the right person... HA HA just kidding. Have you seen my face? 

11. Question: Have you been accepted into any colleges?

Correct response: Depends. Does "You're Rejected" have a hidden meaning I'm not aware of? 

12. Question: Are you sexually active?

Correct response: In my mind, yes. In reality, no. 





**That was it, guys! My first attempt at an at least remotely funny post. I really hope you guys liked it! I know it's a little short, but I really wanted a break from the depressing material. Comment your thoughts?**